Dear Team:

    I’ve just glimpsed the renderings by Cadence and Casket, the architectural firm hired to transform a humble Corsetshire cottage (whose ripe, rank odor is believed to date back to its early 19th century incarnation as the very establishment to which the Emperor Napoleon referred when he categorized the English as “a nazzione eouf chezz mack-erz.”) into the official Guitar Daft World Omphalous of Torment and Holiday Spa!

    Tither, tithers burning bright who send a portion of their hard-earned pay to the Reverend Norbert Fragg, that prune-popping, hotel critiquing, photo-retensive bibliotaphic (Websters New Universal Unabridged Deluxe Second Edition, page 179) theoplasmic (god in process) rock goat currently on tour with the League of Daffy Guitarists Starring Cappuccinski, will be dazzled by such  upmarket, revenue-enhancing features as the New Standard Tunafish Kitchen, the Dolce de Lecherous Sweet Shop, the Nothing Doing Weight Loss Center, the fabulously dreary Basement of Discipline (modeled on actual star dressing rooms occupied by the Reverend in his previous life as touring musician), the Ye Olde Poynted Stick Souvenir Emporium and, for those special guests from over the hills and far away, the Traveler’s Dribblery, Expectory and Privy of Last Resort.

    Alas, in order for the invisible to become visible, the vegetable to become edible, the silence to become the cup that holds the nose that holds the pic that picks the nose that picks the pocket of fans and Daffies everywhere, the Reverend Fragg asks everyone to honour necessity (the Reverend’s, not yours).

    Call the toll-free telephone number, where operators are standing by now. Like the great, creative, benevolent thing that is music itself, let them take you, and your unwanted cash, into their confidence!

    Do it today!