HOLLYWOOD CALLING
Posted by
Bill Kent
on Jan 11, 2009
- This post is archived and may no longer be relevant
Take heart enthusiasts for the latest iteration of that late,
great and lamented "clog rock" band Thing Dismal. The real reason
Norbert Fragg, that let-me-eat-cake guitarist of occasional blunder and
delight, refuses to do the Dismal Thing this summer for hordes of
hoarders of hard-earned-pay, was not a seemingly cyclothymic mood swing
with the refreshingly congenial rhino-phrastic guitarist Mondrian Bayou
over a conflicting schedule of mutual exclusive concert dates.
No way!
The truth, derived after American secret intelligence agencies
"waterboarded" the noted but not often quoted music journalist Tumulty
Sheissespieler, is that Norbert Fragg has made the short list to
portray Anonymous Botch, the new supervillain in the next James Bond
film!
Derived The Spy Who Wasn’t All That Interesting, a prodigiously
rejected Ian Fleming short story, the plot involves a a briefly famed
but not mostly flamed musician who, after his ever-so-polite requests
for royalty statements are rebuffed by callous music industry second
tier lawyers, composes a variation on Mozart’s Musical Choke: an
imponderable imposture and tritone-encrusted ditty of relentless
wretchedness that it depresses whoever anyone who hears it. Called the
Tune to Die For, the spare, despairing composition becomes
instrumentally instrumental as it sets off a tsunami of suicides
affecting that deliriously desirable 12 to 24 year old demographic for
which all global mass culture is manufactured. Only Bond, and the
sultry music industry A&R doxie, Calliope Syrinx, can save the
world from deliberate decomposition!
Prospective titles for the yet un-dubbed flick include From
Estonia With Love, Octo-tetchy, the Livid Daylights, Goatfinger,
Maunderball, Noseraker (featuring a scene of horrific coach-class booby
bashing on a transcontinental flight!), Live and Let Laundry, Tomorrow
Never Asks A Burning Question, You Only Live When the Need Arises, and
Doctor No Flash Photography. The most likely choice, according to
idiopathic industry insiders?
Oldwhinger!
