Robert Fripp's Diary

A morning of personal meetings

Last night's performance in the chapel was almost derailed by a couple of out-of-tune Level Ones. One of them intended to heckle & perhaps pelt the performers (this the character who has been insulting me in Spanish); the other adopted make-up somewhat reminiscent of Alice Cooper. Hernan called the Level One out of the chapel for a meeting. I suggested to them that the latitude of conduct permissible within the course was inappropriate outside of it; and in this case, disrespectful in the place of public worship by a Christian community. If anyone was unable to accept these conditions, this was not the performance for them.

The chapel was almost full with villagers, Crafties & their guests. I rarely experience this sense of community in a "public" place: good people & good hearts. Everyone was invited into the seminary where the Kitchen Team had prepared tasty foods & desserts, also a little wine. The Secretary of Culture for Chascomus, who is a painter & carpenter, presented me with a painting as an expression of gratitude for his son attending GC (in the Kitchen Team). The painting is in a box, also made by him, so that it may travel safely on the 'plane to England.

Some of the Staff congregated quietly in our sacerdotal area with a little of the several wines brought by the Chilean team, some tiramisu & chocolate mousse. Outside, the Level One were vibrating at moderate amplitude.

14.27
Of the two L1s having difficulties with the course, one is addressing this honourably after his fashion. The other has gone to his bed, is being visited and taken food. His problem is, I believe, drug related. If I needed any more information on the damage of drugs (having seen management & players sliced apart by this), then to look into the eyes of people in a GC circle who are unable to process & apply simple information, no more proof is needed for me.

I've had this discussion with pot heads in GC before. They know that none of the above comments apply to them. There's nothing wrong with smoking dope, even on a daily basis over years. It doesn't make them dull, careless of their personal habits, nor blunt the acuitive edge which differentiates the excellent from the merely sufficient.

I am not making a moral judgement on the behaviour & choices of another: life is hard, & how we deal with it in response is ours to make. But if I am asked to make a call on what is possible for a player's efficient functioning; how to help prepare them for the place where music & musician meet; & then I see their head in one place, their hands / bodies in another, & an utter failure to put the two together; then I make my call. Drugs have no place in Guitar Craft. The young man unable to get out of bed or take off his makeup is only one of many examples of this. What people have done before they come here is not a concern. For some, GC is part of rebuilding lives shattered by drugs (e.g. on this course, heroin & cocaine). And some never quite manage to put the pieces together again. Isn't this a tragedy?

18.58
At 09.00 this morning Martin & Fernando prepared the Level One in the first part of the Division of Attention Exercise. The second part was shown this afternoon at 15.00.

At 17.00 we met for the Level One to present their work in Qualitative Endeavour. The instruction was to choose one small part of their work from this week, & discharge it superbly. They began working on this yesterday. Then at 18.30 we met for the last Level One circle; with circulations & vrooomating chords. It was all terrible & a disappointing conclusion to their circle.

The following (with one small edit) was posted at the end of teatime:

Parsons Restaurant,
Fulham Road,
LONDON.

November
27th. 1989.

Guitar Craft Services,
Rt. 1, Box 278-M,
CHARLES TOWN,
West Virginia 25414.

Dear Team,

This is my final letter to the course. Our final day is December 5th., and on this evening The League of Crafty Guitarists and myself are playing at the Whiskey A Gogo in Los Angeles. Twenty years ago this week I was playing this same club as a member of King Crimson. Eric Burdon was in the audience, and he booed us. Actually, I didn't hear him. I was told of this afterwards. Tomorrow, the 6th., our course in Los Angeles will complete. Please send to us your best wishes. On the 7th. I shall fly to London, en route for Italy where some of us will meet again.

After three months of living together, we will probably have dropped some illusions of community life and our personal capacities. We may be happy, even enthusiastic, about the prospect of changing the world. But are we able every morning to practise sitting for 30 minutes, doing nothing? It is necessary, although exceptionally painful, to see what we are. Our motivations are unpleasant, selfish, unkind, our minds a windfill of prattle, and our capacity for action uncertain at best. When we meet ourselves face to face, it is an unpleasant surprise. Probably the most difficult personal work I have ever undertaken is to bear what I am. If I am able to find forgivingness for others, I may find forgiveness of myself. If I am able to find forgiveness for myself, I may find forgivingness of others. The two are inseparable.

The first moment in which I was present to myself in this life was very early, probably about 6 to 9 months old. I remember the experience of being in my pram when a 'plane went overhead and made a noise. The Fripp baby was disturbed, moving in the pram to try and cover itself. At this point, there was a clear separation between who I am, and the little creature I was living in. I had no fear, but the Fripp baby was disturbed and sucked me into its concerns. This clear experience of being apart from the human animal, with a sense of both who I am and what I am, and then the two merging, was my debut in the world. This experience has remained with me since. I know that I am not my body, but live inside this human animal. I also know how easy it is for my animal matters to involve me in its concerns. This is a limitation and restriction upon my freedom of action. Is it possible for us to maintain a clear sense of who we are, and what we are, and to separate the two?

Some 28 years later, pursuing similar concerns, I spent ten months at Mr. Bennett's school in England, Sherborne House. A considerable cause of personal distress was the degree to which the whirring noise of my mind caught and held my attention. One day, while in the tape store which had become my responsibility, I realised that I was not my thinking. Neither was I my feeling, nor my doing. In a sense, this was a great relief. Nevertheless, I had a relationship with these instruments that operated and functioned, nominally upon my behalf.

A little time later, in the bitter cold of February 1976, while pushing a wheelbarrow of compost past the woodworking shop, in a flash, I saw that Robert Fripp did not exist. This insight probably lasted about half a second, if one measured it on a clock. It was a terrifying and frightening experience. Fripp was disturbed to see that he did not exist. So, I know that whoever I am it is not this creature I inhabit, neither is it the accretion of habitual behaviors called Robert Fripp. But, who I am has a relationship with what I am, and what I think, feel and do. That is, who I am should have a relationship with what I am, and what I think, feel and do. And this is where we find pain and suffering. The relationship is distant and unreliable. I see the distance between myself and Robert Fripp and his concerns.

If this distance is of real concern to us, we develop the relationship. The Guitar Craft principle is this: we begin where we are. But, we have to know where we are. So, we do nothing and while we're doing nothing, we look. Perhaps we can do nothing and look, while having a left hand. If we can do nothing with a left hand, we are on the way to doing something with a left hand. After three months, perhaps we know where we are not. That is, we have dropped some illusions. We have a clearer sense of our reliabilities, impulses and capacity for action. Hope lies in this: music is possible, despite what we are.

In time, and with practice, our centre of gravity changes. Our everyday concerns and worries remain the same, but we no longer live in the same place as the concerns and worries. They live in the basement and the cellar, and I live on the first floor. Here, my perspective is quite different. I see things in a different way. One day I visit the second floor, and have another perspective from the vantagepoint of being above, and looking down on the first floor and basement. This is a place where I would really like to live, but there isn't enough room for my baggage. So, I go back downstairs. While I lived in the basement and cellar I believed that I lived on ground level. This was an illusion. To move upstairs, I have to know where I am, without blame, excuse and apology. Then, I can visit upstairs.

Life in the cellar is dark, and because of this is lonely. In the dark we can't see other people. When we visit upstairs there is more light, and we can see other people. Perhaps they can help me? This is true, but only to the degree that I am able to help myself. The degree to which I am able to help myself, is the degree to which I am able to help them. The degree to which I can help them, is the degree to which I can help myself. When I visit the second floor, I see that these other people are members of my own family. Members of a family are the family. That is, in a sense, they are the same person.

It is a common error to believe that we are on our own. This is an aspect of egotism, of failing to see beyond our nose. Help is always available, but we are not. The one greatest lesson of Guitar Craft, for me, is the inexpressible benevolence of the creative impulse. Despite who we are, help is always available. Despite what we are, redemption is always possible. But, this does not occur by accident. It involves our co-operation. It is necessary that the creative impulse enters the world. So, our co-operation is also necessary. When we make a commitment to enter this sphere of co-operation, all the rules change. We enter a privileged situation. In my view, this course has been operating under an umbrella of protection. This is also true of Guitar Craft as a whole.

In the creative world, processes are simultaneous. In our everyday world, they unfold in time. A creative event is eternal. That is, every moment which we experience as different and sequential actually occurs at once. That is, in one moment. The eternal event is simultaneous, but in potential. The actualisation of this potential event is governed and restricted by the necessary rules of operation of the everyday world. The world of the eternal moment and the world of sequential time can and do come together. When we experience this interface, we experience the presence of the eternal event. This implies that it is possible for us to experience and access the complete Guitar Craft event. In a way, the future reaches back to invent the present and repair the past. If we recall the performance by The LCG on the Level Two weekend, we may recall the visit by a substantial presence.

But, there is no security as we generally understand it. There are no guarantees that Guitar Craft will stay on course, or survive at all. If Guitar Craft is to become what, in potential, it already is, our co-operation is necessary. These three months have only been a small indication of what is involved. There are exercises which we can practise to develop our capacity for co-operation with the eternal moment. When necessary, and when we are ready for them, they will be made available to us. But, until we have some idea of what it means to be alive within our left hand, little else is possible.

At the present moment we are struggling. The office is underfunded, we don't have a home, we are unable to meet the requests for help which are made of us. This will continue throughout next year, and change in the Spring of 1991. Then, a new current will appear and carry us with it, if we are ready. Of those among us, who is able to make a commitment to this next year of preparation?

My very best wishes to you all.

22.18
Dinner, as at lunch & teatime, featured performances from several combinations, including "A Horn Up Your Ass". They included a rendition of "Happy Birthday" to Claudio of The Big Time Trio. Extraordinary.

Over dinner conversation between RF & HN. Last night a mosquito got RF (at 01.45). Hernan said he was got a t 03.00. But no mosquito sucks blood from Hernan Nunez and lives, I report. This foolhardy mosquito was squashed flat shortly afterwards, fat with Nunez blood.

Personal meetings with Martin & Fernando after dinner, and a meeting with the Buenos Aires Guitar Circle & performance team. Then the final meeting of the course began at 20.30, with comments on the week invited from all the house. The course was declared finished for some, and completed for others, at 22.15.

23.10
A practical meeting for those leaving at 22.30. A meeting is beginning in 5 minutes for anyone interested in the August Guitar Circle month in Kiel. This is effectively a Level Two course. Clueless proctomancers wander around for a month while Hernan, plus help, wait for the penny to drop.

Errata: An e-mail from Tony Geballe corrected me: he was on the third GC course, not the second as reported:

And an e-mail from Tom Redmond: